What if celebrities found themselves out of work, like Don Imus, and what if they were to turn to the Internet to earn a living? They’d find some success based on the popularity of their names alone, but there would need to be more to it.

1. Avril Lavigne is known for mouthing off about fellow celebrities, so I think she should start a celebrity gossip blog, to be called The Bitchy.
2. Eminem should start a blog about politics, because he has a lot to say, his controversial style will stand out. It could be called Rapping Points Memo.
3. Howard Stern should start a current events, humor and babes blog, naturally. Perhaps called NSFA: Not Safe for America. Why should he start one in the first place? If he’s the “King of ALL Media” he should already have!
4. Don Imus really should start that podcast, and a blog to go with it. The podcast content should be just like his radio show, and the blog would be a how-to on Internet speaking. (It’s looser than corporation-owned, government-confined public entertainment.) The title? I have a few ideas; Pro Podder ; Get Fired, Get Fame ; Fire Up the Fame ; Scraggly-Headed Foo’ (just kidding on that one).
5. Britney Spears has an iffy future regarding career success, so she should consider blogging. But the dancing queen should stay away from cryptic poems and letters and get honest in her personal blog about trouble raising a family, keeping a marriage together, going through divorce, dating again (and doing stuff in bushes), and trying to revive her music’s appeal—-and there should even be some fashion discussion, like the best wig/hat combos and why women shouldn’t follow critic’s rules. (If she can manage to pull off that argument! It does seem she believes it, anyway.) Her blog’s name could be Still Not Yet a Woman.
6. Isaac Mizrahi should start a blog about the fabulous life of being a gay fashion designer, with tips on all sorts of fabulous & fashionable lifestyle topics. He could be another The Manolo! He could call it Isaac!! Daarlings or better yet; The Man in a Stiletto. (Intriiiguing.)
7. More from the fashion crowd, stylist and TV show host Clinton Kelly shouldn’t be overshadowed by his What Not to Wear co-host Stacy London getting her own talk show. No, he can start his own insanely popular fashion rules blog. The best part would be Clinton’s charming and amusing personality. (And the is he or isn’t he gay fan wonderings.) The name, Go Pretty Yourself or Kiss Me, Clinton.
8. Angelina Jolie should blog for human rights and charity issues. That’s pretty original, eh? She’s a sight to behold and always seen doing good, but she rarely gets to speak out or explain herself. Her blog could be called. Earth’s Inner Beauty. (Yeah, I’m gagging, but it could work.)
9. Imagine a blog by President Bush or Jessica Simpson with entries like, “HOW DO I TURN OFF THIS CAPS SETTING?” ; “Is this where I type my words?” ; “Has this published? Can you Read this?” ; and “Is Tuna REALLY Chicken?” Yes, a stupid celebrity should blog. The name possibilities are as endless as there are dumb stars.
10. Sanjaya. He’ll need some sort of job, ’cause I don’t see him singing. But people love him. So let him do little public appearances and start a MySpace blog. The topic; photos of his hair styles. The name; Sanjaya’s Blog of the Worst.

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Britney Spears can’t stop with the hats! She’s addicted to them, and … I think she’s in love with them!

Britney appears to be turned on by the hat - she’s groping her own breasts! … More photos after the fold. More, more, more »

Don Imus, you’re just a scraggly-headed, splotchy-faced cracka-ass. How do you like it? Seriously, this face was made for radio … so now what? Don, I do have a positively-intended tip for you: start a podcast. Put ads on your new website for it. If no one will support you at first, just place Google ads and the like (or unlike, as they prefer). And whatever you do, don’t vlog.

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I think this is Lauren Conrad (”LC”) from The Hills being licked by NYL (Not Yet Legal) Hayden Panettiere from Heroes.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Hayden, stay young and sweet! You lil’ bitch. *Smack*

No one messes with my Heroes show and gets away with it! YOU HEAR ME??!!

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*Updated with more photos.

When I first watched this video, I felt afraid.

I felt afraid for our editor, Elle, and I wanted to cry out to her like she’s my mommy. I also felt bad for everything dirty I’ve ever written.

But then I thought a bit.

Jimmy Kimmel is a **cking hypocrite! The Jimmy Kimmel show is a paid sponsor of various celebrity gossip blogs, including The Superficial, which imho is the dirtiest, most slanderous, most untrue gossip site out there. (And god I love it!)

So he, or his producers, but please - he should have a say - so anyway he wants to get viewers from these crazy-popular blogs and puts aside his morals.

Stick to comedy and looking at bouncing girls, Jimmy (remember the man show? Yeah, Kimmel’s classy). Plus Jimmy, you’re fat. So there.

I ran this by Elle and she totally supports the post. And about the “Jimmy is fat” comment, it’s ok, I said, because I’m fat. And that’s koo.

Paris Hilton bending over to show cheek.

Or, ya know, do. It’s fun.

Here she is in the same paparazzi shoot looking suspiciously fake:

Paris Hilton Shows off Designer Freebie

Here Paris shows off her unmistakably Chanel clutch. This is obviously for promoting her freebie, with some real-life endorsement deal with the house. I’ve never seen such an obvious pose as Paris was doing here (more photos below).

Ahh..

Cute dress, cute shoes.. Paris, I love you. I actually do like you. Sigh, I’m sick.

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Lindsay, beautiful:

But she proved she’s an odd, slow (you know what I mean) mess when she gave an interview via Blackberry to GQ Magazine.

Love the ending. Poor Marshall. And poor those two new puppies! Yikes.

(No harm has YET been done to the puppies, but it’s Miss Lohan.)

Larry Birkhead, despite Howard K. Stern being listed on the birth certificate.

Apparently, Howard K. will not fight for custody. So should Larry raise Dannielynn? What would Anna want? It was always clear she looked just like Birkhead, but does DNA make him fit over Anna’s wishes?

If you watch the video, linked from the photo below, you’ll see …

That Larry is really just a d*ck. Quote,

“I hate to be the one who told you this, but: I told you so!!!”

Gag, I can’t believe people cheered to that.

Well, the world isn’t fair! I hope little Dannielynn isn’t punished with a bad life because of this. Not like Anna would have likely given her the perfect little normal world, anyway.

Apparently Justin Timberlake gave a jerky interview to British GQ,

“I used to care about those awards and trophies - maybe when I was younger. Come on, it’s all a load of bullsh*t, right? I view the Grammy’s the same way I as I see my deal with McDonald’s. I regret the McDonald’s deal. [Come onnnnn I love that jingle! I’m lovin’ IT that jingle!] I don’t regret doing the Grammy’s entirely but I wish I hadn’t put so much of myself into it. [Oh, come on, what’d you put? It’s a nice event, don’t compare it to unhealthy fast food.] It’s kind of interesting. Just like the McDonald’s deal, whose market share went up 25% when I walked into those offices and changed their image. When I did the Grammy’s, the viewing figures went up by 25%. Funny, isn’t it?”

It’s astoundingly hilarious how you’ve proven you’re 175% more conceited than I ever imagined.

Plus, he’s just crude,

“The sex scene [with Christina Ricci] was pretty hot. I’m not going to say it doesn’t feel weird pretending to f*** someone in front of a man with a sound boom, though.”

Aww, were you jealous of the sound boom? Felt inferior to the sound boom?

That d*** should be locked away in his box.

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And we all thought Uma Thurman was sexy? Good act she put on, I’d hire her in my next film. Oh but probably still not for the role of any attractive woman anymore, no, the image of this has ruined Uma in all our eyes. Am I wrong?

Her breasts sag so low, she looks exactly like my Nana.

And WHOOPS! Poppin’ out!

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