The Keith Richards News that Sickens Me to the Core

I don’t want to even to over-talk about it, it’s just so bad. Here goes: Keith Richards snorted his own father’s ashes with some blow, as he revealed himself as being the “strangest” thing he’s ever done. Keith Richards is one sick mofo! That’s the strangest thing he’s ever done? I think that tops the case over all Americans! What a freaking loon!
Punchlines:

• That’s one way to suck up to Pop.
• Keith apparently got the last laugh, a real on-top-of-the-world, coke-high hearty one.
• Doesn’t this make Richards a cannibal? And would this count as an incestuous cannibal?
• I guess the Stones didn’t make him as rich as we might think, Keith Richards had to resort to mixing in his dear late father’s ashes with his blow.

In related news, Richards was so off his rocker throughout his life that he enjoyed being watched by fans for possibly at any second dropping off the face of the Earth. When he got healthier, he was disappointed to be off that “top” list of sorts.

I guess it’s some achievement that you look like you’re a corpse ten years into death already, Keith, don’t worry, you’re winning that contest by far!

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